ZOO MAGAZINE
AN INTERVIEW WITH DEAN LEARNER

* Women

I try to view them as equals. It’s on their backs that I’ve built my clubs and magazines. People have said I’m a misogynist, but I’m not. I look down on everyone equally. If anything I’m guilty of putting women on a pedestal. They just have to dance round a pole to get to that pedestal.

* Pornography

I prefer the term ‘the erotique’. Porn is something shot on a camcorder with cheap lighting in a run-down hotel room with the sound of airplanes going over head. I’m about class. I like soft-candlelight, exotic fruit, sound proofing, and light jazz. That’s not to say I haven’t found myself in that run-down hotel room near Stanstead at the wrong end of the camcorder while holding a 200 watt lamp. I’ve taken what you might call the scenic route to legitimacy.

* Success

I knew I was successful when I had a bowling alley built on board my private jet. In fact, my one regret is that my mother died before she got to see how important I’d become.

* Style

You’ve either got it or you ain’t. Most people ain’t. Gore Vidal said ‘ Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn.’ But that’s nonsense. It’s about having enough money to buy expensive and exclusive luxury goods.

* His first guest... Garth Marenghi

The man’s a genius. I owe him everything. He was my first major client. In fact, he was the reason I learned to read. I hadn’t come across a book I thought was worth opening before Slicer.

* Dean Learner

People say there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’. I’d go further than that and say there’s no ‘I’ in ‘Dean’. I live to give. My new show is really just about the guests. And, in Man to Man with Dean Learner I have the great privilege to present you with some remarkable talents. As well as my good friend Garth Marenghi, remember the following names: Steve Pising, Glynn Nimron, Merriman Weir, Amir Chanan, and Randolph Caer. For they are the titans of our times.